Dancing with the Shadow: Embracing the Unloved Through Process Work

Exploring the Margins of the Self

Every part of you—light and shadow alike—has a role to play in the unfolding story of your life. Yet, many of us marginalise the parts of ourselves that feel too difficult, uncomfortable, or unacceptable. Some of these more hidden aspects are conscious in that we are aware that we push them away, and others are unconscious, where we are unaware that they exist. These hidden aspects, often referred to as the shadow in Jungian terms or Secondary aspects in Process Work, hold immense potential for growth and healing. Through the transformative modality of Process Work, developed by Arnold Mindell, we can gently bring these marginalised parts into the light, unlocking greater authenticity, wholeness, and inner harmony.

What Does It Mean to Marginalise Aspects of the Self?

Marginalisation, in psychological terms, occurs when certain feelings, behaviours, or traits are pushed out of our more conscious awareness because they are deemed unacceptable or too difficult to face. These aspects of self may be shaped by cultural norms, family dynamics, or personal beliefs.

For example:

• A person raised in a family where anger was forbidden might suppress their natural, healthy anger, disconnecting from their capacity for assertiveness.

• Someone taught to prioritise achievement may marginalise their need for rest, leading to burnout or resentment.

These marginalised aspects don't disappear; they manifest in indirect ways, such as self-sabotage, anxiety, or physical symptoms. Addressing these dynamics requires more than simply “fixing” the surface problem; it demands an exploration of what lies in the shadows allowing them to be seen and experienced.

The Shadow and the Less Conscious Self

Carl Jung described the shadow as the unconscious parts of the psyche that we deny or repress. Arnold Mindell’s Process Work expands this concept by emphasising the dynamic and fluid nature of our inner worlds. Mindell viewed the shadow not as a static repository of “bad” traits but as a vibrant, meaningful realm filled with untapped potential. If we can embody and embrace that which we deny, we can step more fully out into the world from a more empowered position, with more consciousness and more resilience.

Process Work encourages us to view symptoms, conflicts, or recurring life patterns not as enemies to overcome but as signals pointing toward deeper aspects of our inner experience. These “edges,” as Mindell calls them, are places where consciousness meets the unknown—a rich opportunity for growth and integration.

Why Embracing Our Less Loved Aspects Is Essential

Embracing the marginalised self is essential because, without it, we remain incomplete, unbalanced, and disconnected from our true power. The parts of ourselves that we suppress—the secrets, blockages, and unloved aspects—don’t disappear; they manifest in the world around us, mirrored back through recurring patterns, conflicts, and challenges. This creates a sense of being off-kilter, as though we are leaning to one side and unable to fully align with our essence, leading to feelings of clinging and attachment as we seek a sense of self externally rather than standing firmly in our own inner knowing. In this misalignment, we are more inclined to experience polarising thoughts and feelings of separateness from others and the world around us. We may long for belonging but inadvertently move further away from it, adopting strategies or behaviours that create more distance instead of genuine connection. By bringing these hidden parts into the light and integrating them into our awareness, we dissolve the barriers that block our wholeness. In doing so, we unlock the flow of our authentic power, reconnect with our full vitality, and step into the fullness of who we are, ready to live with balance, purpose, meaning, and deeper connection to the entire field of life.

Examples: Bringing the Marginalised Self Into Consciousness

1. The Desire to Die

A client came to therapy feeling lonely, lacking drive and couldn't find work. In the middle of a meditative journey this man suddenly expressed a desire to die. Initially, this desire might appear to be rooted in despair, hopelessness, and a longing to escape. However, through the lens of his process, this wish was approached as a signal from his deeper self; not something to deny, suppress or push away.

The process began by honouring and exploring the desire through a meditative and visualisation journey. What part of his life or identity needed to fall away? What was his secondary aspects, that part of him that was marginalised trying to reveal? By embodying this feeling and fully engaging with the energy of letting go and surrender, he moved through it and realised that what he truly yearned for was not death itself but a release from outdated aspects of his identity.

Underneath the despair lay an urgency to love more deeply and to be more present in his life. He discovered that the energy of “letting go” was, paradoxically, an energy of renewal and vitality—a call to shed old patterns and fully embrace his purpose of giving love and connection. With this newfound clarity, his desire to die transformed into a powerful commitment to live more authentically and give the love in him that was previously stifled. I was very amazed to hear that this man just a week later had landed a new job, was actively out in the world again and with a smile on his face. What a blessing!

2. The Suppressed Anger

Another example is one who struggled with an inability to express anger. Raised in an environment where anger was viewed as destructive, they had long suppressed this emotion, resulting in passive-aggressive tendencies and chronic fatigue.

Supported by Process Work, this client gently explored the edge of their discomfort around anger. By embodying their anger in a safe, creative space—through movement and vocal expression—they discovered that this emotion wasn’t inherently destructive. Instead, it carried a message of empowerment and boundaries. The anger was a small part of her that wanted to roar like a lion inviting her to fully step into her power.

As they integrated this shadow aspect, the client found themselves better able to assert their needs and protect their energy. Their physical symptoms began to subside, and they reported feeling more grounded and energised.

How Process Work Guides Us to Wholeness

Process Work, also known as Process-Oriented Psychology, is an interdisciplinary approach that blends Jungian psychology, shamanism and Taoism. It offers tools and techniques for working with both the conscious and unconscious dimensions of our experience, providing a pathway for reconnecting with the marginalised aspects of self.

Here’s how the process unfolds:

1. Listening to the Signals

Process Work begins with acute awareness of the signals that emerge in everyday life. These signals could include physical symptoms, recurring dreams, relationship conflicts, or patterns of thought and emotion. Rather than dismiss these signals, we are encouraged to view them as messengers from our unconscious, inviting curiosity and exploration.

2. Exploring the Edges

The “edge” is a key concept in Process Work, referring to the space in between our current identity and the aspects of self we have marginalised. By identifying where we feel resistance or discomfort—such as an unwillingness to confront certain emotions or thoughts or behaviours—we gain insight into the parts of ourselves that we’ve yet to embrace. (I think of it like a big neon, lit up arrow pointing to the part of self that needs work.... ding, ding, ding).

3. Engaging with the Marginalised Self

Once we recognise these edges, Process Work helps us engage with the secondary or more shadow aspects in a way that honours its wisdom. This may involve expressive techniques such as movement, dreamwork, or inner dialogue.

4. Integration and Transformation

As we bring these marginalised aspects into consciousness, they often reveal surprising gifts. What once felt like a weakness may transform into a source of strength; what seemed chaotic might become a wellspring of creativity. Integration doesn’t mean resolving or curing every conflict or symptom—it means weaving all parts of ourselves into a more complete and authentic whole. It means listening, awareness and acceptance of what is.

Why Embracing the Shadow Matters

The act of embracing the shadow isn’t just about personal healing—it’s about cultivating wholeness within self but also within our community. When we marginalise parts of ourselves, we diminish our capacity for empathy, creativity, and connection. By bringing light to the shadow, we reclaim our full humanity and unlock the potential for richer, more meaningful lives.

If you’re ready to explore your shadow or secondary aspects, working with a holistic psychotherapist trained in Process Work can provide a safe and supportive space for your journey. Every part of you—light and shadow alike—has a role to play in the unfolding story of your life. By embracing the parts you’ve marginalised, you step into greater authenticity, resilience, and inner harmony.

Inner work Exercise - What parts of Self do you feel are unloved? Write them down. And then choosing one of the words that feels the strongest for you, allow yourself to let the energy of that one aspect express itself to you. It could be with eyes closed, allowing movement to express that energy. Or it could be with sound or just a visualisation. Feel into that aspect, let it take you on a journey into its depths to reveal any wisdom that may be inherent in it. Write down what comes up for you and see if any of those insights could be more consciously stepped into in your daily life.

*Side Note: A Disclaimer About Working with Trauma

While exploring the shadow can be a deeply healing process, it’s important to approach this work with care, especially if you are working through trauma. Reconnecting with marginalised parts of the self may evoke intense emotions or memories. If you have experienced significant trauma, consider seeking support from a trained therapist or practitioner who can provide a safe and grounded space for this exploration. Process Work and other holistic modalities are most effective when carried out with sensitivity and support tailored to your unique needs.